And She Writes too

As young woman, I read a few romance novels and often wondered if romance like that truly existed in a marriage. When I became part of the dating world at age 16, I wanted that knight in shinning armor to sweep me off my feet, ride me off into the sunset on his white horse. When I reached my twenties and started looking for husband material, I looked for romance, the candlelight dinners, the love notes, the poems, the unexpected thoughtful gifts. When I got married, I learned that romance is nothing like what you read in those romance novels. However, romance does and can exist in a marriage.

Keeping romance in a marriage doesn't have to involve lots of work or even days of planning. Being romantic doesn't have to involve a dozen roses, candlelight dinners and dancing under the stars. Most men find being romantic difficult, overrated and costly. Most women find it necessary, fulfilling and an expression of love. To me, romance should be simple and thoughtful.

You don't have to charge romance on your credit card. Leaving meaningful notes for each other in unexpected places can put a spark turn into a fluttering flame. Sending the love of your life a simple but sweet email during the work day is just enough to remember why you fell in love. You've seen it the movies, "I love you" written on the mirror with lipstick, try it, I promise sparks will fly. Or better yet, why not use his saving cream to write I love you on the mirror, or write I love you on the mirror using the steam from the shower. Simple love notes, that require little thought, who needs poems.

Buying greeting cards are not just for anniversaries, birthdays, Mother's Day or Father's Day; why not buy a card just because you are in love. Buy a card for each other once a month to show what you are feeling at that moment in time. The card doesn't have to be a card with poetic meaning. The card needs to express your feelings at that time; whether it you are feeling humor, friendship, encouragement, sympathy, hope or love. The giving and receiving of cards is a simple gesture of endearing love.

Creating special moments for each other is also an important part of bringing romance in marriage. Special moments can involve a nice foot massage, meeting for lunch in the middle of the day, surprising each other with a child free night. Also, if you are not normally the person that cooks dinner for the family, create a special moment by cooking the family meal. Giving the cook a night off is one sure way to earn those important points in the romantic department.

For me after 18 years of marriage, I find the most romantic things my husband does for me involves my children. My son plays baseball, my husband is his coach, while I am sitting in the stands watching my son play I will glance over at my husband as he is blowing me a kiss. Watching my husband lay next to my daughter on her bed as she reads him a bedtime story just melts my heart. Watching my children share their love for their dad makes me fall in love with my husband even more.

Being romantic is important in any marriage, whether you have been married for twenty years or two years. It's easy to get comfortable in marriage and take each other for granted. Many marriages fail because they stop falling in love with each other. Romance in a marriage helps you fall in love again.

At night when it was time for me to get ready for bed, my daddy would pick me up so I could reach the top drawer of his dresser and pick out one of his t-shirts. My dad's t-shirts were my pajama's, I loved the way they fit me and how they felt. I loved that my dad's t-shirts were big enough for me to draw my knees up to my chest and cover them. My dad's t-shirts were often just plain white undershirts but sometimes his shirts had grease stains on them, or paint smeared on them. And sometimes his t-shirts had images of humor on them but what I loved most about them was that they smelled like my dad.

My dad wasn't perfect; he wasn't a wealthy man or a college educated man. He worked many jobs and was fired from just as many. My dad had habits that I didn't like; he smoked, he cursed like a sailor, he was a male chauvinist and he was selfish. Growing up I was scared of my dad; scared of his anger, scared of his hands and scared of disappointing him. My dad was a strong disciplinarian and often ran our home like a boot camp. However, my dad wore his heart on his sleeve. My dad on the outside looked like big grizzly bear but was soft and cuddly like a teddy bear.

For me, my dad was everything I needed him to be. My dad taught me the value of a dollar by showing me that wealth was not as important as love. My dad taught me that education is what helps a person succeed. I learned from my dad that cursing in anger doesn't always produce the results that you want. My dad taught me that bad habits are hard to stop but easy to never start. My dad taught me that it is okay to be scared as long as we don't let fear rule our lives. However, most importantly my dad taught me how to love unconditionally.

As a little girl, my dad was invincible. He was my hero but never saved anyone's life, never fought in a war, he never fought a fire or even rescued a cat from high in a tree. Nonetheless, my dad was someone as big as the Hulk, as strong as Superman and as invincible and Batman. The little girl in me thought my dad could do anything, could be anything and would live forever.

When I got married, and my dad walked me down the isle, I whispered to him that I would always be his little girl. At forty-one years old, sixteen years after my dad gave me away, I was still his little girl. I would still crawl in his lap, give him a kiss on the cheek and embrace his bear hugs. Being with my dad brought out my vulnerability and my insecurities but at the same time he reminded me of my strength.

Today, a year and half after my dad's death, I would give anything to crawl in my dad's lap, give him a kiss one last time, and feel his big arms around me. Today, I would love to tell my dad just how important he is to me. Today, I would give anything for just one more private moment with my dad, one more long conversation, one more chance to say love you Pop. Today, I wear his t-shirt to bed and draw my knees to my chest as tears fall from my face.