And She Writes too

Any type of stress in a marriage is difficult, whether it's financial, emotional, sexual, or medical. Throw a chronic illness into a marriage, the stress can be unbearable. Dealing with a chronic illness can create the additional stresses as mentioned before. It's how you deal with the stress that can make or break a marriage.

Nine and half years ago my husband and I were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. Her birth and life has turned out to be a test in our marriage due to her chronic liver disease. From the day she was born we were thrown into a whirl-wind of tests, medical terminology, lack of sleep, doctors, fear but most of all stress. Our stress is not just related to her health but because of her health we have financial stress, emotional stress and yes, sexual stress. For nine and half years, my husband and I have worked hard to keep our marriage together and our children happy.

Dealing with the financial stress related to having a child with a chronic illness is actually more difficult then dealing with the chronic illness itself. Being a one income family with medical bills piling up keeps us literally one paycheck away from being homeless. To deal with the financial stress, my husband has swallowed his pride to allow us to begin fundraising to help cover excessive medical bills now and in the future. As much as I needed to stay home with my daughter, I finally realized that I needed to go back to work part-time. And we finally had to admit to ourselves that our financial security will never be as secure as it was before our daughter's birth. However, loosing our financial security is worth it if we can save our daughter's life.

The emotional aspect surrounding a marriage with a chronic illness can directly affect the sexual aspect of marriage. If you are emotionally detached from the marriage because of the stress in dealing with a chronic illness then the sexual stress rears its ugly head (no pun intended). My husband and I have had to mark out time on the calendar just for us. We take advantage of nights out to become romantically involved again. Even if we can't get out of the house, we lock ourselves in our bedroom, have a glass of wine and well, you know the rest. Spending alone time together is very important in creating a well balanced marriage, not to mention family. Also, as my husband says, "Sex can be a stress reliever."

Dealing with the stress a chronic illness can create in a marriage does not have to end a marriage. It's how you handle; channel that stress that can make the marriage grow stronger. You can learn from that stress, learn about the strength in your marriage and be a better stronger couple because of it. The key to any relationship with stress or without stress is communication. The most important thing you can do for each other is share your feelings, share your fears, your anxiety, and yes, your stress too. However, remember to listen. Listening is a major factor to successful communication. You have to be there for one another 100% of the time. A successful marriage is not 50/50; it's 100% of each other all the time.

Being married is easy, staying married takes work. Staying married with the additional stress surrounding a chronic illness takes determination, perseverance, and strength. A chronic illness is only one stress in a relationship. It's having faith in your marriage and your love for each other that will help you manage the stress.